I think I won the penis lottery.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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