just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
