Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
