His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
pop tarts are not kleenex
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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