He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
