Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
ttyl tear gas
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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