I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
