i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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