as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize