is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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