I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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