When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
