nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Can I color on your dick again?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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