not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize