I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
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