I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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