When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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