Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
