would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
