Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
