So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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