my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
