just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
sex in a hospital.. check
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
