you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize