NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
