Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
