Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Every concussion has its silver lining
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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