We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
