wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
he thought i was a dude.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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