my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
