well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
