i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
