im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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