omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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