I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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