I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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