but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
