somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I'm determined to sit on that face.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
