I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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