she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
