after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
