why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
