idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
