Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
