she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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