I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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