new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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