oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
