i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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