saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
