Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
