I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
