Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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