you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize