but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
