I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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