yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
