I could have mohawked her pubes.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize