I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
