Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
jump out the window naked night went bad
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