woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
