Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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