I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
