This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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