i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
