Your dad touched me again.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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