Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
