So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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