I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
