anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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